D is for...

Done.

As in I'm done.

Done, done, done with diabetes. Done with trying to come up with foods that Elise will actually eat. Done with mealtime battles that usually end with both of us in tears. Done with trying to put together healthy, good-tasting meals and done with carb counting.

I'm so done with trying to figure out numbers that are all over the map. Done with tantrums that are due to high BG numbers and done with naps being interrupted by lows.

I am done with hauling all the crap that goes along with this disease. Done with meters, scales, calculators, apple juice, carefully counted out snacks that she won't eat, emergency supplies, insulin, needles... all of it. Done.

I'm done with every illness wreaking havoc in our lives. Done with worrying about her "underlying condition". Done with calling doctors and specialists and wondering just when should I take her to the ER.

I am done with all the money that this stinking disease bleeds out of us. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach when I think of how much all the supplies cost just to keep my daughter alive. Yes, it's a small price to pay, but it also infuriates me and makes me wonder why they do cost so much. Could it be because we don't have much of a choice?

And I am so, so, so very done with stupid insurance companies squeezing every nickel and dime out of us. Done with their crappy policies that say catheterizing my daughter to get a urine sample because she's too young to pee in a cup during her doctor visit is considered a "surgical procedure" and we have to pay for part of it. This never was an issue with our old insurance company, but Blue Crap Blue Shield of Texas is showing me why moving back to Canada is a good idea.

Seriously, I think my head is going to explode.

Of course, I say I am done... but it's a total lie. I can't be done. I will never be done. And that's what makes all this so terribly frustrating.