It's okay

It was snack time for Elise, and we were sitting together at her little table. She was finishing off the last of her grapes, and I was next to her; just enjoying being still.

I had been cleaning, and as I usually do when I get up to such shenanigans, I had my Ipod on. And it was as I was sitting next to my daughter, resting and listening to some tunes, that I got walloped by a busload of grief that had run a stop sign.

Five for Fighting's Superman song came on. And as soon as the lyrics started, so did my sobs. The words rang so poignantly true about Elise and her diabetes. She's only a little girl; little more than a baby, tasked with a superhero's job of fighting one tough villain of a disease. I couldn't stop my tears.

I usually don't let that happen in front of Elise, but of course she noticed right away and asked, "Momma, you feelin' sick?" Which goes to tell you what my battle cry has been lately.

I told her, "no Beans, Momma's just a little sad right now." And she looked at me, with her beautiful green eyes, wise beyond her two years. She laid her tiny hand on my shoulder, and said,

"It's okay Momma, don't be sad. It's okay." And then to my total shock she added, "I okay too." She then leaned over and kissed me, got up from her chair and ran off to play.

And you know what? She IS okay.

I often wonder what kind of child she would have been if she wasn't diagnosed with diabetes. Would she be as mature as she is; having to grow up way too quickly? Would she be as in-tune to others who are suffering around her, and as quick to try and comfort anyone she thinks is upset? I have never seen such compassion in one so young.

Would she roll with the punches better than most adults I know? We are getting precariously close to the "terrible threes" age, but most times when she doesn't get her way she just shrugs her shoulders and deals with it. That's not to say we don't have meltdowns from time to time, but she is an unnaturally easy-going child.

Would it be any different had Elise not been diagnosed? What about if she was diagnosed later in life?

I know diabetes does not define who my daughter is, but I cannot deny that it is an integral part of her. To ignore it would be like turning a blind eye to her mischievous grin, her silly personality, or her adorable curls. She has diabetes and she's okay.

And I need to learn to be okay like she is.

In case you're curious, here are the lyrics to Five for Fighting's Superman:

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
I’m more than a bird...I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

I Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me.