Dear Mattias - repost

I wrote this letter to Mattias because it hurt me that one day he might think he is not as loved as his sister. Because D will always come first.

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You are my second born. My son. I have loved you since the moment I found out about you. And yes, I love you just as much as I love your sister. Such a strange thing for a mother to have to say, but I feel there just might come a day when you don't believe it.

I want you to know that it breaks my heart when I hear you crying in your bassinet. And I'd love more than anything to come scoop you up; hold you close and stop those tears from flowing. But I can't. I'm busy at the moment checking a blood sugar, giving insulin and preparing food. So you must wait. And though it might seem like all my attention is focused on your sister at the moment, you are certainly on my mind and I am working as quickly as I can to get to you.

And I hate to hear you whimper when your tummy is empty and you are asking for food. But I cannot feed you at the moment. You see, your sister has low blood sugar and I have to tend to her needs first. And the testing, giving carbs and re-testing might take awhile, especially if I'm waiting until her blood sugar is in a safe range. If I am nursing you, I won't be able to help your sister. And right now, she needs me. I know that you need me too, and I feel so torn.

I am sorry that you get the leftovers of our attention. The leftovers of our energy. Diabetes is a very selfish sibling and demands so much of our time. But that is no excuse. I hope you feel that you can tell us when you are feeling ignored. Just know that the patience, perseverance, and empathy that you are learning right now will serve you well in life.

Know this above everything; you are a very special, and very loved little boy. I pray you grow up knowing and believing that. I am so blessed that you are my son.

Love,
Your Momma

Diabetes Olympics - repost

Just a fun little post a I wrote, awarding myself medals in the Diabetes Olympics

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One night, as I was unable to sleep, I began comparing the care of diabetes to Olympic events. And this is the subsequent post that followed. Yes, all I do is write blog posts in my head when I should be sleeping. And yes, I even awarded myself medals.

Shooting (up) - Points are deducted for blood or a wet shot (insulin seeping out of the skin after the needle is removed). I'm pretty good at avoiding both of these, but it's really just a crapshoot.
Result: Silver

Synchronized Living - This is the ability to balance carbs, insulin, exercise, growth spurts, illnesses, and hormones; and still achieve reasonably good numbers.
Result: Some days it's a gold medal and they're playing "Oh Canada" while I stand atop the podium and wave. Other days, it's a big, fat DNF (did not finish).

Speed Getting Ready - I do this twice a week while trying to get Elise to pre-school. It involves getting her up and dressed. Test her blood sugar. Get her shot ready and give it to her. Make her breakfast. Make her snack (actually, three snacks... what she eats depends on what her BG is at snack time). Write a note for her teacher, so she knows which snacks have how many carbs in them. Pack her bag. Get myself dressed. Get Elise to finish her breakfast in less than 30 minutes. Have her go potty, brush her teeth, brush her hair, and put her shoes and jacket on... all of which she needs help with. Get Mattias up, change his diaper and put him in the carseat. Load everyone into the car. On some very special days, add nursing a baby to this list. All of this is done in the span of less than 60 minutes.
Result: Gold, baby!

10 Meter Dash - This is pretty much the distance from our bed to Elise's. I've gotten pretty fast at shooting out of bed and making it to her side when I hear Eileen alarm, or she starts having a night terror episode, or I wake up and realize that we slept though the 2 am alarm. But I get points deducted for a slow start... trying to find my glasses in the dark does tack some seconds onto my time. Then there are the nights that I'm still asleep as I leap out of bed and I run right into a wall. Awesome.
Result: Bronze

WAG-ing - (stands for Wild Ass Guessing) Some people can just look at a piece of cake and be able to tell you how many carbs are in it. I really can't, but I have gotten very good at figuring out an item's carb factor. A lot of times it's just knowing a similar item's carb factor and going from there. But there are those foods that are unlike anything else on earth... You may remember my post on the Best Cake in the World. It was probably a fluke that I got it right on the first try, but it does feel good when you nail the landing.
Result: Silver

Juggling - Now that I have two little minions to take care of, I have learned to become a gold medal juggler (jugglist?). It's what you end up doing when both kids need you at the same time; for example: Elise has just woken up and needs her BG checked, shot given and breakfast made. Mattias has also just woken up and needs his diaper changed,, reflux meds and his morning meal. I usually handle it like this; check the BG, change the diaper, give the shot, give the meds, make the breakfast, nurse one side, give Elise her breakfast (I like there to be some lag time between shot and food), nurse on the other side.
Result: I'd give myself a silver, only because there are some mornings I totally flip out if one more thing gets added to the pile (copious amounts of spit-up resulting in a clothing change for me, Mattias, or both, a potty run, a telephone call... etc.)

Biathlon - Which, of course is the combination of two sports. For me, I find the crap usually hits the fan when I am momentarily indisposed. I've become pretty good at checking a BG, and treating a low, all while nursing Mattias. The key, as any good athlete will tell you, is preparation. This means I carry fast-acting carbs with me at all times. Yes, I've been known to pull a roll of Smarties out of my sock.
Result: Gold

Accuracy - Just a fun little game I play in my head to take the monotony out of checking Elise's BG 10+ times a day. I try to guess what her BG is going to be. It was a lot harder before Eileen joined our team, but I got to be pretty good at it. Of course I had a lot of what-the-crap moments too.
Result: Silver

Wrestling - I don't participate in this sport anymore. Now that Elise is 3, she's a lot more accommodating with her shots. But when she was 12 months old, you should have seen some of the leg holds I had to put on her. Because when you are just one person, and you have to use two hands to give the shot, you become pretty creative in the ways you hold your baby down to administer a shot.
Result: Gold


Swimming - As in "just keep swimming". Usually done on days where you swear you cannot do this for another second. When you are bone tired and there is nobody to take the baton from your hand. When all you want to do is climb up onto your roof and scream the F-word (no, not fine) for as loud and as long as possible. When it seems like the tears will never stop falling. You still kick your legs and flail your arms to keep your head above the water and "just keep swimming". Because you have to.
Result: Total gold medal. I've been doing it every day for 2 years and 2 months now and don't ever plan on stopping. I think that deserves a gold.

Anybody else care to join in on the fun?

Cranes4acure

The other day I received the following email:

I stumbled on your blog a couple weeks ago, through a friend who’s daughter was diagnosed with diabetes earlier in the year. My 9 year old, after seeing a picture of my friend’s daughter in PICU (her penpal for a long time now) and after our youngest daughter had a seizure and the only thing “off” was her blood sugar…so we monitor her, my 9 year old wanted to do something to help kids with diabetes. So she came up with Cranes4aCure . She is up to $659. she has raised for JDRF. Every day she reads about different kids with diabetes, and she would like to know if you would mind her posting a picture of Elise on her blog (linking it back to your blog) and she would like to make a crane in her name. I look forward to hearing from you.

Can I just say I love hearing stories about kids like Lizzie?

Not to get all curmudgeon-y on you, but I've noticed a discouraging trend in the kids I've seen lately.

Like the 4 year old who told me she only wears a certain brand name of shoe, because the kids who don't, get made fun of. She's F-O-U-R.

Or the pack of 10 years olds I saw at Jamba Juice the other day. Enough make-up to make Lady Gaga look tame. Fingers flying on their phones as they facebooked, texted, and tweeted their meanness. I listened as they cackled things like:

"LikeohmyGod, Jane is such a hag! I'm totally slamming her on her wall"

"Liketotally! You should see what I just tweeted about Kim!"

"LiketotallyohmyGodyouguys! That is soooo funny!"

Ugh. Sometimes I weep for the future.

But I am thankful for kids like Lizzie, who bring balance back to the universe. Please go check out her website and post about Elise here, and make a donation if you can.

And thank you Lizzie, on behalf of Elise and all who live with type 1. Not only are your raising funds for a cure, but you are bringing awareness to people about type 1 diabetes. I am so impressed at your initiative, drive, and sweet spirit. Thank you from the bottom of this D-Mom's grateful heart!

H*E*L*P!

Can I just say that travelling with D SUCKS?

Sorry for the lack of picture posts on the other blog, but I have no internet access that I can upload pictures on. As it is, I´m using some weird-ass Portuguese laptop that has weird buttons in strange places. You`re just lucky this post is read-able.

Anyway, we have been having the worst time with Elise´s BG. It´s either sky high or bottoming out. The only time it´s in range is when it´s either shooting up or crashing down. It´s awful.

Poor Elise woke up in the 400s this morning with 2.4 ketones. Nothing we do is working and I´m almost ready to pack up and go home.

Blame it on the time difference, blame it on the lack of schedule, blame it on not being able to find a restaurant to serve us dinner when we need to eat, blame it on the fact that I cannot SWAG Portuguese food to save my life... I don´t know.

I titled this post help, but I know there´s really no advice you can give me. I suppose this is just a much needed vent. Here´s hoping things get better... soon.

What they don't see - repost

One of my favourite (she said, sarcastically) responses from people when they find out Elise has Type 1 Diabetes is, "but she looks so healthy!"

(Followed closely by, "but she'll grow out of it, right?)

Honestly, I really don't know how to answer when people say say that. Yes, she looks healthy, but there is so much that they don't see lurking beneath the surface.

What they don't see is how hard we work as parents to make sure our kids stay that way.

They will never understand the burden that we carry.

They don't see the 3 am BG tests. Followed by the 4 am, the 5 am... etc.

They don't hear our kids say, "I don't like shots!" Or, "You're hurting me Momma!"

They don't understand how the fear of our children's future gnaws at us.

They haven't heard our whispered prayers, night after night, for a cure from this awful disease.

They've never felt the pain of trying to decide which is worse; telling your child they can't have a particular food because their BG is too high at the moment, or letting them have the food anyway and getting a BG in the 400s a few hours later.

They cannot know the exhaustion of doing battle day after day, sometimes on only 2 hours sleep.

They don't know the frustration of dealing with insurance companies, and the sadness that comes along with realizing that you can't afford a device that would help you.

They never see our tears when it all becomes too overwhelming.

They don't know how scary something as common as the flu can be.

And they'll never know exactly how strong, and brave, and wonderful, and amazing you have to be as the parent of a T1 kiddo. To all the D-Moms and Dads out there who are feeling mired down by this disease lately, just remember how incredible you really are. And though people may not "get it", the rest of us do.

As Elise likes to say, "yeah, you're AMAZING!"

So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, adieu

Well... we're about to be off. We have (almost) proved that it is possible to put an offer on a house, pack up one house, close on another, move about 75% of our stuff to the new house, and pack for a 17 day trip overseas, all while wrangling two kids, diabetes and a dog... and do it all in a two week time period.

Wanna know something crazy? We also tried to have new carpet installed at the new house. It didn't work out. I'm okay with that.

I think I have one strand of sanity left, and I fully expect it to snap at the airport when some jerkwad of a TSA agent decides that the apple juice I'm trying to take through security is a threat to national security. I can see the headline now... "Local woman goes crazy at airport - punches TSA agent in the nutsack".

Anyway, the ol' blog won't be totally silent. I have some re-posts scheduled. Maybe a few new ones. And if you want to hop over to my other blog, I'll be posting pictures and trip updates there.

Don't miss me too much! Okay, miss me... it's good for my ego.

And just as an FYI:
*** I've heard rumours that there are people who search blogs and facebook pages to find people who are going to be away, and then break into their houses. Fair warning: our neighbour knows we are going to be away and he'll be watching. He's ex-military, has family members who are cops, plus he owns a bunch of guns and is just dying for an excuse to use one of them. I'm just sayin'.

It IS Texas, afterall... YEE_HAW!

Happy Anniversary honey! Here's your house!

Today is our 11th wedding anniversary, and we celebrated in style. Fred bought me a house (we closed last night at 8:30 pm). He also bought me a house for my birthday when I turned 28. Pretty awesome husband, eh?

Hopefully I'll get around to telling the story behind this whole crazy house thing, but for now I'll leave you with some pics of Fred and I.

Happy anniversary Freddie! Thanks for my new house.

I love this crazy guy!

Meet the newest member of our family!

Insulin family that is.

Let me start by introducing the long-standing members. From left to right we have; Pink Lady, Greenie, Mr. Blue, and Agent Orange.




Pink Lady. Our basal. NPH. Our behind the scenes gal.

Greenie. Humalog. The breakfast bolus. He handles the heavy lifting for us.

Mr. Blue. Diluted Humalog. U-20. Diluted to 1/5 the strength of full strength. Mr. Fix-it. He handles our screw-ups and is used for the smallest of jobs.

Agent Orange. Also diluted Humalog. U-50. Diluted to 1/2 the strength of full strength. Our NEW dinnertime bolus.

Why 4 insulins? Because we've been experimenting, and the U-50 is our solution. Remember all my posts about Elise's crashing dinnertime BG? It seemed no matter what we would do, we couldn't fix it. We'd give her shot up to an hour afterwards and she would still come crashing down. So Fred and I decided to try something.

A few nights ago, we decided to give her NO insulin at dinner. She was 94, ate 36g of carbs. She stayed steady for awhile, but about 1 hour after eating, she starting rising rapidly. So we chickened out and gave her 1/2 a unit of full strength. About 45 minutes later, she was 50. FAIL.

So the next night, we stuck to our guns. No insulin at dinner. She was 110 going in, ate 35g of carbs. Held steady at 180 for over 2 hours. We were elated. Except by three hours later, she was 357. FAIL.

When Elise was on U-20 for her bolus, she would get 12 units at dinnertime. That is just too huge of a shot. So we decided to make U-50. Here's how it went down on night #1:

She was 92 at dinner. We gave her 2 units of U-50 (theoretically the same amount of insulin as her full strength dose). She ate 36g of carbs and two hours later she was 213. One hour after that she was 133. YEAH!

Night #2
She was 129 going into dinner. She had 2 units of U-50 (given BEFORE her meal... something we haven't be able to do with full strength). She had 33g of carbs and was at 124 three hours later. Can I get a HOLLA?

Night #3
64 going into dinner (oopsie). She had 45g of carbs, and the 2 units of U-50. Three hours later, she was 134. I'm sensing a pattern. Again, no spike and no crash.

As an added bonus, her nighttime numbers have been so much steadier than they have been in a long time. It's so weird to me that she can received the SAME amount of insulin, and just because it's diluted, we don't get a crash.

Her 24 graph... Nice (well except for the low we had waiting for that 2-hour start-up)!



I am so relieved that we seem to have a handle on this dinnertime stuff. Those horrible crashes had been going on for MONTHS. We had wanted to try diluting her insulin like this for awhile, but it seemed so unorthodox, we were afraid to try it.

Let's hear it for thinking outside the box!

***Please Note*** This is in NO WAY medical advice. It's not. I'm not a doctor. Just a crappy stand-in for my daughter's pancreas . Just because this worked for us doesn't mean it will work for everyone. You should discuss changes to your child's treatment with their doctor.

Let me pick your brain

Better than your nose, right?

Anyway... I haven't talked about it much lately because I've been too busy whining, but our trip to Portugal is coming up in less than a week, and I have a few questions for my peeps in the DOC.

We've travelled with Elise and D before; Kansas City, San Fransisco, and Vancouver. But this is the first time we'll be so far away. Plus the flight from here to Spain (where we change planes) is 10 hours loooooooong. Kill me now!

Not to mention a ready-to-crawl-at-any-moment 8 month old. I need a Valium just thinking about it.

Onto my questions:

1. We have never travelled with the Dexcom before... can the it go through the x-ray? Do I take the receiver off of her? If she has to go through the body scan, does that affect the Dexcom?

2. I'm pretty well versed in no-carb/low-carb snacks (cheese, meats, veggies, nuts), but does anyone have some other suggestions? I'm assuming Elise will run high while on the plane, so I want to have some stuff for her to eat if she's hungry and her BG is flying as high as the plane we're on.

3. I'm still noodling the time difference + life style difference thing. At home, we like to eat at the same time as your grandma does (5:00). In Portugal, they're still finishing up their lunches at that time. Dinner happens around 8:00. Which is the time Elise usually gets her bedtime snack and shot. If anyone has experience with overseas travel and NPH (yeah, right, sometimes I think we're the only ones using it), please let me know.

Here's my thought: Elise's BG usually drops right before dinner. I'm thinking we give her a second uncovered 15g snack (first one happens around 3 pm) at 5:00. Then, when it's dinner time (we're shooting for 7:00) we'll do a combo shot of humalog and a lowered dose of NPH. The humalog will cover her meal and the NPH will hold her through the night. Since she'll be eating dinner so late, plus her dose will be lowered, she shouldn't need a snack. Thoughts? Anyone?

4. If the TSA agent wants to pat Elise down, do I kick him in the nuts, or punch him in the face? Actually, I guess if it happens, it will be a woman. Punch in the face it is.

I welcome any other advice you may have. Hit me with your tips!

A big, sloppy wet kiss to Karen

So.

It's no secret I've been under a bit o' stress lately.

Diabetes.

A three year old with night terrors every freaking night.

A baby with feeding issues so severe, that his pedi was going to hospitalize him for intensive feeding therapy if it didn't get better soon.

Buying a house.

Leasing our house.

Closing on said house, packing everything up, moving and leaving for our trip for Portugal... all in a two week span.

Yeah... it's a lot of stuff.

So. Why I felt I needed to take on DBolg week, I'll never know. But I did. And it couldn't have come at a better time.

You see, I was in a funk. BIG time funk-o-rama. I just wanted to insulate myself in a cocoon and hide from the world. I wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to blog, nor did I want to read any blogs. Dblog week forced me out of hiding.

So I wrote. I read. I met new people. Learned new perspectives. Giggled, wept, found "same" and then some. It was awesome.

Thank you Karen, for the kick in the pants I needed to start feeling good again. None of the above crap has gone away (although feeding issues are better and night terrors have abated for now), but it's okay.

Suddenly I feel like I can do this again. And for that, I am grateful. To Karen and the entire DOC.

If you haven't seen it yet, new-to-me blogger Mike did a thank you video and posted it on his blog. You can see it here.

I submitted a pic, and you can see it if you watch the video. But as a SPECIAL thank you to Karen, I thought I'd post the rejects.

Please ignore that fact that I am in sweats (or my "uniform") or that my son is wearing Christmas pyjamas. In May. Don't judge me.

Complete fail

Come on kids, they want to see your cute faces! Nice outlet in the background, btw

I think I fell asleep in this one. Only getting 4 hours a night will do that to ya

Look at the camera

I said, look at the CAMERA!

Mattias is outta there, and Elise looks possessed

Wrestling with an 8 month old

Gimme that

Not bad, but I look like I have one muttonchop because of what my hair is doing

It will have to do

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Fart and you stand alone

What we've learned - Sunday

There's a quote I like by Nicholas de Chamfort; "The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed." I love laughing. I love to make people laugh. When someone tells me I make them laugh, my head practically will explode from the sheer joy of it all.


I'll never forget a comment I once received on my other blog when I wrote a post about starting Death of a Pancreas:

To encourage other parents like me by captioning your blog with "Death of a Pancreas"? How morbid and stupid is that? if your goal is to encourage and enlighten us who have kids with diabetes, you might want to be more positive and check your facts first. The pancreas DOES NOT EVEN DIE with diabetes. Geez.

This was my response:

Okay, so I was going to just delete the above comment since it most likely is a drive-by comment from a crazy, but on the off-chance that this person is being truthful about who she says she is, I'll address her rather snarky comment.

1) Believe me, I know EXACTLY what diabetes is. I've been living this hell for the past three months. But "Death of the Pancreatic Beta Cells in the Islets of Langerhans" just doesn't have the same ring to it. My daughter's pancreas has failed to function as it should, and to me, it feels like a death. TO ME. Got that? ME!

2) I'm so sorry that you are so easily offended by a simple blog title. If you really are a mother of a child with diabetes, you should know that the only way to not let this disease get you down is to have a sense of humour about it. You should read some of the things we joke about on the diabetes board I frequent. Actually, no you shouldn't. Your head just might explode from the offensiveness of it all.

3) Since you have blocked your ID, I have no way of knowing if you are a crazy or not. I have no animosity towards you, or your comment. I even welcome a response to my comment if you are so inclined. But please, you handle diabetes your way, and let me handle it my way... We're both (supposedly) fighting the same enemy anyway, right?

I was disappointed that she never came back to reply. My point is this; if you cannot find anything to laugh about while battling this horrific fight, then you are already beaten. If Elise grows up seeing me grim-faced all the time while giving her a shot, then that is how she's going to deal with it too. You need to show your child that their life will be what they make of it, not what diabetes makes of it.

I choose to laugh at diabetes (when appropriate, of course), and respond in my own sarcastic way. It's how I deal, how I show diabetes that it's not the boss of me. So, you can choose to let diabetes bring you and everyone around you down, or you can face it with a smile, laugh, or maybe even a jig... because who on this earth can be sad while dancing a jig?

What I have learned from this beating of a disease, the DOC and my own experiences is that laughter can really be best medicine.

Of course, if you're a diabetic, then insulin is the best medicine. (joke credit - Norm MacDonald)

I thought I'd end this post, and this week, with my video, "What NOT to say to the parent of a type 1 diabetic". Because it still makes me laugh. Every time.





Edited to add: That is not to say that you should pretend everything is okay when it's not. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to grieve. And it's okay to hurt. As someone wrote (and I cannot remember who - I have read so many brilliant posts over the last few days), just don't LIVE there. So cry iff you gotta cry, scream if you gotta scream. Just don't forget to laugh during the in-between times.

Pictures of you

Saturday - Diabetes Snapshots

A few months ago, Wendy asked people to get their kids to complete the following sentence; I have diabetes and...

We were then supposed to make a sign and take a picture.

Elise's response was, "... a very special girl."

Yes you are Elise. Yes you are.

My sisters from some other misters

Awesome Things - Friday

I grew up the middle child, the only girl sandwiched between two brothers. I never had a sister. I never felt like I actually needed one.

About 1 year after Elise's dx, some strange lady left a comment on my blog. That weirdo turned out to be Laura. The day I met her, I knew I had made a friend for life. She was uber-fabulous, and just wonderful to be around. She has been through so much in the past few years and I am astounded at her courage and determination. She is also one of the most generous people I have ever met.

I can't remember how I met Jess, but trust me when I say she is just as uber-fabulous as Laura. Jess is the only one I know as crazy-anal as I am, and I love her for it! Our families had Thanksgiving dinner together last year, and she put together a list of all the carb factors for the feast, including hand-drawn pictures. If you haven't read Liam's dx story... you should. You'll get a glimpse of just how strong of a person Jessica is.

Girls... I would not be this okay without you in my life. I love our Monday nights together; whether we're ordering french fries from our table in Mooya by phone, eating hibatchi in our sweats, or cackling like a bunch of crazy ladies over a cinnabon, I am a better pancreas because of you.

My awesome thing that I have done because of diabetes has been gaining two sisters that I never knew I needed.

Hello. My name is Joanne. You killed my daughter's pancreas. Prepare to die.

Thursday - 10 Things I hate about you, Diabetes.

10. I am a tree-hugger and you are killing our planet one test strip, used syringe, and half-empty bottle of expired insulin at a time.

9. You make me check my (non-D) baby's BG.

8. You stole my daughter's childhood. Yes, you did. She will never know what it's like to be 100% carefree.

7. You cost me some friendships. I guess I should be thankful to know who my "true friends" are. But you have made me very lonely.

6. I used to be smart-ish. You have killed off too many of my brain cells.

5. Sometimes when I think of the money we have spent on you, diabetes, I wonder how many trips to Hawaii that would be.

4. You make me cry way too much.

3. I sometimes say no to stuff because of you. Because it's just too overwhelming. Because I am too tired.

2. You constantly make me feel not good enough.

1. You are robbing my daughter of her life. This is just not cool. And this is why I am going to kick your ass.

Lenny and Harold ride again

Diabetes Bloopers - Wednesday

This is not really a blooper, per se. But a not-so-funny-at-the-time anecdote that makes me chuckle now that some time has passed.

If you are rather new-ish to my insane ramblings, you might not know who Lenny and Harold are. They are Those that Shall not be Ignored. Simply put, Lenny and Harold are the little voices in my head that speak up when something could be very wrong; especially in the realm of all things diabetes.

Since the arrival of the Dexcom, they've sort of been on vacation. A much needed vacation. Although they still show up to tell me things like; on no planet does that shirt go with those pants. Or maybe I really should exercise my right to remain silent now.

But the other night, our Dexcom decided to take a powder in the form of the dreaded ???. I thought it was because Elise was sleeping on the sensor. Not so much. It turns out that the transmitter had popped out.

Let me break here and tell you that there is nothing quite so awesome as searching through a mountain of stuffed animals, blankets, and the plethora of other craziness that Elise sleeps with for a little grey hunk of plastic that is the size of an international postage stamp. It. Is. So. Aaaawesooooome.

After we popped that elusive sucker back in (another not-so-easy task), we waited for the Dexcom to calibrate.

About 45 minutes later, as I tried in vain to sleep, Lenny and Harold showed up.

"Get up! Get up! Sheeeeeee's loooooow. Come on, get your mis-matched ass (yes, I even have trouble co-ordinating my pjs) outta bed and check your daughter!"

Thinking I was just being paranoid because I didn't have the Dexcom working, I tried to ignore them. But they just wouldn't shut up. They're kinda like Charlie Sheen in that respect.

Finally I went in and checked her... 52. Well, crap-a-doodle-doo. Looks like Lenny and Harold are batting a thousand still. It's nice to know they can still be trusted.

A Letter to Elise

Letter Writing Day - Tuesday

Dear Elise,

Tonight was a special night. Your first dance recital. You looked adorable. Your smile lit up the stage. And you danced... well, you danced like a 3 year old at her first dance recital.

It was tough, I'm not going to lie to you. Your BG was sky high before your tap number, but plummeted a mere 45 minutes later to 107, right before you were supposed to go on for the ballet portion. 10g and 15 minutes later, you were 84. Some smarties brought you up to 93, and I was literally checking your sugar as you and your friends were about to take the stage.

As I look back and reflect on tonight, I wonder what you'll remember. Will it be crashing blood sugars or tap shoes marching to the beat of "Animal Crackers"?

Will you think of your hovering Mom, checking your monitor every 2 minutes, or how at the end of one of your dances you came to the edge of the stage, and yelled, "Mom! Where are you?" Causing the audience to chuckle.

Will you look back fondly at the flowers you received, or the extra carbs you had to ingest?

I hope diabetes doesn't figure into these memories at all. I hope all you remember is shaking your feathered tu-tu up on stage and having fun. I hope you remember how proud we all were of you.

And I hope that you never let diabetes stop you from dancing.

You are amazing and I love you so very much.

Love always,
Your Mom

A glimpse into the future

Monday - Admiring our differences

For the longest time, all I read were the blogs of D-Moms and D-Dads. Somehow I missed the plethora of adult Type 1 blogs out there. I have such a short list of them on my blog roll, so if you are a PWD who blogs and you'd like to be added, just comment on this post!

Anyway, back to the topic. I have to admit that I do worry about Elise's future. When she was first dx'd, all I could see when I looked at her were the long list complications that could happen. Every high number taunted me. Every low made me feel like a crappy pancreas. I was sure that I was ruining my baby's chance at a healthy future.

But then I learned of PWD that had been diagnosed as children, and were now thriving as adults. And it gave me such hope.

The other day, Fred and I had lunch with Drew Holder and his wife Courtney. Drew was dx'd at age 3, but went on the play professional baseball. Diabetes did not slow him down.

I learned a lot during that lunch, from both Drew and Courtney. I wish I had the time and energy to share it with you, but I will say this; Drew is living well. Elise will live well. And your child will live well too.

So thank you, all you adult type 1s. You give this Momma hope that her little girl will be just fine.

I'm a Wiener!

Words are important to me. I love to write. And read. I think words can accomplish great things. Words can also build up or tear down.

Words are powerful.

If you've ever read the 5 Love Languages, I am definitely a word girl. And that's why finding out that I was selected by a local Chick-fil-a as their "Mother of the Year" means so much to me.

Let me say that I totally fall short of this title, but I try. Every day. Even when I don't want to, I drag my bum out of bed and do my best for my kids. Sometimes I wonder if anybody notices.

Apparently, my husband does. He nominated me and submitted an essay on why he thinks I should win.

Mother of the Year.

Four little words.

Yet they gave cause for this Mom to stand a little straighter, smile a little more, and feel okay about herself amidst all the chaos.

And to all you Moms out there. You all deserve this title too. Happy Mother's Day.

I'm going on a trip. To a place called crazy. Care to join me?

Hi there. Remember me? I'm Joanne. Otherwise known as Elise's pancreas.

I used to blog. And read your blogs. And leave comments. You know, doing my part in the DOC.

It's been a little quiet around here lately. With good reason. We bought a house.

Actually, we bought THE house. You know, the one we put a contract on, but had to rescind it when ours didn't sell? Yeah, that house. It's a fun little story, remind me to tell you sometime.

That being said, we are supposed to close on our new house, move out of our old one and into the new one AND leave for our trip to Portugal in the next two weeks.

How do you spell stressed? J-O-A-N-N-E! Seriously. Reserve my room in the mental hospital now please.

And to top it all off, I signed up to take part in:



I had so much fun doing it last year, that I really want to do it again. We'll see. If I just post a picture of me curled up in the fetal position, does that count as a post?

Anyway... that's my update from this corner of the world. Now back to my regularly scheduled rocking in a corner, pretending that all of this is not happening.

We be stylin'

I was so, so, so, SO excited when I found out I had won Cindy's giveaway... #1, because I NEVER win anything. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

And #2, I LOVE Cindy's hats. They are so adorably uber-cute that I can barely stand it. And the best thing? She sent us 3 hats to adorn our cute little heads.

Thanks Cindy... they are beyond awesome!

Things Diabetes has taught me this month... April edition

-Party + treats full of sugary goodness + WAG-ging (wild-ass-guessing) + not even weighing the food so your child can feel somewhat NORMAL for a change, + using the dexcom to see how it all plays out = ???

For those you you bad at math (like me), the above took place at Elise's school Easter party. Truthfully, the only sugary item was a mini cupcake, but I decided to let Elise have it WITH the icing (I usually scrape it off because her snack at that time is 15g), thinking I could just watch the CGM to see what happens. Of course, the dexcom crapped out on me. Elise ended up in the 300s at lunch, but came back down by her afternoon snack time. Stupid icing.

-If 5:00 is approaching and Elise is helping me make dinner... I need to have a back-up plan. A few weeks ago, we were making waffles, when Elise knocked over the blender, sending the batter all over my kitchen floor. Thankfully, the last time I made waffles, I froze the extras, so I had 1 or 2 left for Elise's meal. Unfortunately, no waffles for Fred or I.

-A low is a great way to get off the phone with a telemarketer. This lady WOULD NOT let me get off the phone, and my nice, polite side has trouble hanging up on people unless they are downright rude to me. I needed to check Elise's BG, and when a 48 popped up, I interrupted to woman to tell her I had to hang up because my child's blood sugar was dangerously low. She started stuttering and said," oh my gosh, yes... please go!" BAM! No more telemarketer! Although this is my preferred method for dealing with those pests.