It seems that here in the DOC there are two types of bloggers... some of you go quiet when all is well. You don't write because, well... there's nothing really to write about.
Then there are bloggers like me. When life turns into a big ol' crap sandwich, you turn tail and hide. Words fail you. You have no energy to bitch about why you have no energy. Even commenting and returning emails are daunting tasks.
That has been my life lately. I have lost count of how many times I have cried (and believe me, it takes a lot to squeeze tears out of my baby blues. What can I say... I'm dead inside). I have cursed, stomped my feet and shaken my tiny fists at the sky all in a lame attempt to make some sort of sense of the utter crap-fest that pumping had become.
I knew it would be hard. And it has been. And then some. We're talking BGs in the 500s hard.
Two-a-day pod changes hard.
The CDEs- won't-get-back-to-us hard.
Middle-of-the-night pod changes hard.
Getting up every hour of the night hard.
I have never seen so many BG readings starting with a 4 in my life. Prior to this, I could probably have counted on ONE hand the number of times we'd seen a number that high... and it was mostly when she was sick.
All these highs and rapid rises and falls have taken their toll on Elise. Last night I noticed she was sporting some pretty dark circles under her eyes.
Yesterday, I talked to Elise's doc and hopefully we've made some changes that will help.
But the phone call that probably saved me from jumping off the ledge was from Meri. Sweet, wonderful Meri who talked me down and helped me to see the bigger picture. That woman has a way of breaking it down and making you see things the way you need to.
I am so thankful for people like Meri in my life who has walked these paths ahead of me, and understand the pain. Because she has been there, times three, and gets it. Thank you Meri, I'm feeling muuuuuch better now.
You should totally start a help line... 1-800-ASK-MERI. Because you really don't have enough going on in your life.
10 months ago
I'm glad you're feeling a little better. And yes, Meri's a quite remarkable mom and d-mom.
ReplyDeleteAh, hugs. I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. Yep, I'm one of them bloggers who is quite when things are good...and then rage-blogs when things are bad. :)
ReplyDeleteLet me know if I can offer you any tips on how we deal with the pod. It certainly can be tricky.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering where you'd gone and how things were going. I'm sorry it sucked but glad it's better. Supportive friends are a must!
ReplyDeleteI think we have all been there at one time or another. Support systems are what we need and times like that they are priceless.
ReplyDeleteUggh...so sorry pumping is rough for you right now. I understand the hiding and the rage blogs. I have missed you though! I'm so calling that 1-800 hotline when in need! I find my emotions are directly related to Nat's bg's. When they are high, I'm a mess and it's harder for me to handle this d-life and I cry a lot more.
ReplyDeleteOur switch from MDI to Pinging went smoothly but from Pinging to Podding...OH MY GAWD!!! Horrific. I gave up and went back to the Ping for now with Kelsi. I did keep the Pod and think we will try again but I really will have to psych myself up for it.
ReplyDeleteYeah for Meri! Yeah for you! So glad she was able to help you.
ReplyDeleteSo glad Meri was able to help and you're feeling a little better about things now!
ReplyDeleteSo wish I would have had someone like Meri when we were going through our Pod failure...so glad she was there for you! It can only get better from here and it will! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm like you, Joanne...I turne tail and run from blogging when things aren't so great. I'm so glad you managed to sit down and tell us about it this time though. Pumping can be a bit rough. It does get better though. It's just a lot of work sometimes. And I'm so glad Meri gave you a call and helped you see the big picture again! Hang in there! You're doing a million times better than you probably think you are!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you have a friend like Meri. Pumping is ridiculously hard in the beginning and my heart goes out to you my friend. You will get there though! HUGS!
ReplyDelete(((HUGS!!!!)))
ReplyDeleteWhen we started pumping, I remember thinking something had changed deep inside my soul. I wasn't the same person...and I knew I'd never be the same again. Heavy? Perhaps. But it's true.
The first sites we tried just didn't work well. After about 4 weeks, I finally worked up the guts to try something different. Fortunately the new sites solved our dilemma, and I was able to start getting my head back in the game. That was almost 5 years ago.
Praying for you guys in this transition.
HI FIVE to Meri :)
I don't call her Marvelous Meri for nothing! ;) So glad she helped.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS))) to you! I hope things keep improving from here!
I've been there too Jo....it took Maddisons dark circles to make me stop and say SCREW the little changes when we started the pump....it was obvious we needed BIG changes. My heart hurts for you both right now, I remember like it was yesterday the frustration and anger in had! (hugs) hang in there, I'm happy to hear you had a little chat with Meri :)
ReplyDeleteI admire all you D-Mom bloggers for sharing your story with the rest of us. And Meri has to be an expert, having three boys with diabetes. I hope you are able to figure this out; sure you will be able to. Yes, I agree you are having a particularly rough time. I would be one who would expect quite a bit more help from endo, CDE. And pretty darn mad if I was not getting it. I have read about boxes of defective pods though, in the past. I might try to get new boxes of pods from Ommipod. And if Omnipod just doesn't work out in the long run, you probably can make a deal with Animas. Most of the pump companies make it fairly easy to switch over. Then there is the untethered method, whereby you can get a lot of your basal through Lantus... I would try 70 percent of basal so as to leave room for adjustments. She would get the remaining 30 percent of basal through the pump, and bolus for meals thru pump. That is an option. It would take care of those 400s and 500s you are having if you cannot get this thing sorted out in a month or so. But, considering you did have such great numbers a week ago, I know you can do it; cause you did it before. Your child is so much smaller. If it were mine, it was usually 10 percent increase across the board for numbers in low 200s, 20 for high 200s low 300s. Anything over 300, I just bump up that temp basal to 40 and give a more aggressive correction. You will find your way. But she needs more insulin. Crank up that temp basal 24 hours and keep an eye on her. P.S. Is anyone around who can spell you out for an hour or three so you can take naps in between all this?
ReplyDelete((Hugs)) Meri has saved me a time or two, also...she's beyond wonderful. As are you, it'll work out - IT WILL :)
ReplyDeleteOh, man that's tough. So glad you got a call when needed, and fingers crossed for you guys. It's maddening when you're fighting on all fronts like that! Hope light breaks through!
ReplyDeleteI just read your blog and I am sooo sorry you are going through this! Last year I was diagnosed with BC and going through the Cancer Dance is something else but I have found it best to keep a positive attitude, watch funny movies, dance in the livingroom, and doing goofy things like dressing in costume when I went to my chemo sessions helped a lot. so did prayer! Hang in there, sweetie! Find your way to cope.
ReplyDeleteglad you're feeling good enough to blog! i think meri deserves the mvp award, yeah? hope things are getting better now.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. Blushing.
ReplyDeleteMy phone line is open 24/7 to you. The other post about the fortune cookie is spot on. It can only get better from here...right? How are things going today? I hope the 'better' days are beginning! Love you!