What to expect when you're pumping

If you are a D-Mom or D-Dad, that means at some point in your life you might have picked up the "Pregnancy Bible"; What to expect when you're Expecting. This post is my pumping version... minus the bible part.


You WILL feel like you have been diagnosed all over again.
This is because, more often than not, you will find yourself staring at the number on the meter, fighting the urge to scream the full-length version of WTF. Then you will have no idea what you're supposed to do next, and you will run over to the pile of hand-outs that the CDE gave you at pump class, to try and find the answer.

Pumping is sooooo different than MDI
I'm not sure that anyone told us this. Maybe it's because switching from NPH to a pump is harder than switching from an insulin like Lantus. Anyway, we have found that EVERYTHING has changed for Elise.

She is more sensitive to carbs. Her correction factor went from 500 to 250 (WTF??? in HALF?). She requires more insulin to cover her meals. I am amazed at how much more insulin she needs now that's she's pumping.


You will cry. This is normal.
I think I have cried more these past few months than I have in the last 2 1/2 years. Starting on a pump is a stressful, stressful business people. I highly suggest having bags of tootsie rolls (or -your go-to stress food of choice) stock-piled. You're gonna need them.

And for the love of all that is holy, don't start pumping right before a big event that is going to need all your attention; like having a baby. Or moving. Or going on a trip. I did all of these things over the last year and cannot imagine having to do it while figuring out pumping at the same time.


There will be times you will want to rip the pump from your child's body
I have lost count of the number of times I have uttered the phrase, "that's it. I'm done. Let's break out the NPH and drop-kick this pump out the door." Learning to let go of the "known" is tough. I like comfortable. Hell, I still have a pair of yoga pants from when I was 18 because they are so soft and cozy. If possible, I want to be buried in them.

You just have to ride out the storm knowing that there is a promise of calmer seas ahead.

3 days will pass by in a flash
What is the significance of 3 days? Why, it's when you're supposed to change out the pump site. I swear, if you need time to pass by quickly, just put your child on a pump. Because there are days when I hear that, "beep beep, beep beep, beep beep" and I start cursing because, hell... didn't I JUST do a freaking pump change 5 MINUTES AGO??? WHERE ARE MY TOOTSIE ROLLS?

You will mourn the loss of a contraption-free body
I let go of this a long time ago when we started on the dexcom. But seeing one more thing on Elise's tiny frame has made me sad. Especially when that one more thing leaves a pretty big mark.


You might wonder why everyone thinks pumping is so awesome
I won't lie, I've been asking myself what kind of crack the rest of you guys are smoking to like this pumping thing so much. And where can I get some? But then there are moments when the clouds part, the sun shines through and all is right in the world... like when we get two numbers starting with a 1 in a row. And I think, "yeeeeeahhhh! We got this!" Until the next 400+ pops up.


You need to stay the course
As much as I've been hating pumping, I know that in the long run, this will be good for Elise. One day, when the stars align properly, we will have figured out her settings and we'll feel good about it.

The most important thing is that Elise loves it. She seems to be happier than she has been in a long time. And that is worth all the stress, crying and WTF moments a thousand times over.

***edited to add a little caveat: I started writing this about a month ago. I feel much better about pumping these days but decided to leave this post as is because I hope it will help people see that there is a proccess when it comes to learning to pump. I'll leave you with just two words: pumping rules!