The Ugly Underneath

A few weekends ago, Fred took Elise to her very first Daddy/Daughter prom. She was so excited for the event; a pretty party dress, shoes with a hint of a heel (her first!), body spray with sparkles, and some eye glitter and lip gloss. She didn't want to look in the mirror until she was all done up. The results had her uttering a hushed, "oooohhhhhhhhh!" As she twirled and curtsied in front on the full length mirror.

(For the record, she must get it from Fred... I have never twirled or curtsied in my life and the thought of putting on a dress at her age would have made me run, screaming.)

There was a small party at a neighbour's house before all the dads and daughters left.  There were appetizers, the girls admired one another, and we took pictures.  Like the one above.

To the casual observer, the little girl does not appear to be enjoying herself very much. She looks like she doesn't even want to be there. And that's because they are missing the ugly underneath.

The ugliness of a blood sugar that was 356.

And a CGM that had been reading HIGH most of the afternoon.

The awfulenss that was all the other little girls drinking sparkling grape juice in fancy cups, while I only let Elise have a tiny sip, just to try.

And even though I encouraged her to have a chocolate covered strawberry (high BG be damned), she didn't want to because she knew she was high and didn't want to go higher.

The ugly underneath of diabetes is not only how it can damage physically, but also so heart-breakingly emotionally too.  After awhile, you kind of grow hardened to the BG checks and pump changes... it's all a part of a routine, like brushing your teeth. 

But what you never get accustomed to is how this disease pierces your heart when it wrecks havoc on the emotions, and you're the only one who sees the tiny tears slip down your child's face as she tries to sit unnoticed in a corner. It just about breaks me.

But at the end of the night, while her CGM from that evening looked like the world's most vomit-inducing roller-coaster, she still declared the night, "pretty much the best time ever in my life."

Because the beautiful underneath that people also miss is just how strong and incredible these kids are.