Wednesday - What Brings me Down
May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you/and your loved one, and how do you cope?
It happened a few weeks ago, I was holding a sobbing Elise as her tears soaked through my shirt. We had had a run of crazy numbers over the past couple days; highs crashing to lows, sustained lows that needed copious carbs just to keep her at 80, and sticky highs that would not budge no matter how much insulin we poured into her.
"I just hate this so much, Mama! I don't want to live this way... it's too hard! Everything hurts and I hate this! I hate diabetes... having diabetes is AWFUL!"
I just held her and let her vent. At one point I said, "I know Elise. I know." And what I meant by that is I understand that it's awful for her. I understand that she hates it.
But she jumped all over my choice of words and let me have it, "But you DON'T know. You'll NEVER know. You're not the one with diabetes, I AM!"
Ouch.
But she's right.
I hate the emotional side of this disease. I hate that I can't fix it, like I can a low with sugar, or a high with insulin. I hate that people just don't understand the toll this disease takes on PWD and CWD emotionally. This by far is the hardest thing about type 1.
For now all I can do is hold her when she cries, listen and try to take on as much of the burden as I can.
I wish it were more.
Gah, and now *I'm* tearing up too! Hugs to both you and Elise.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if it means much but I think you are doing an awesome job. And you've introduced Elise to a bunch of other people who DO get it and are living with it. We're here for you and her whenever you need us.
ReplyDeleteHugs and kisses to you both as you nagivate this d-life together! You are so much more to Elise than you will ever know! xoxo
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