One flu over the cuckcoo's nest

Since December 17th, our household has been a hotbed of germs.  Mostly of the flu-like nature.  I am currently writing this post while recovering from my own battle.  It has left me light-headed and quite stupid, so please forgive anything written that makes no sense.

I wanted to chronicle my family's battle with the flu so that I can look back and see who sick and what was effective as far as treatment.  Plus I'm a little bored and have seen all the Love It or List It episodes that are on today.

Elise
Received flu shot back in October.  Was first one sick.  First trip to doctor showed negative for flu or strep. Extremely high BGs continued as well as fever, so I took her to urgent care.  Flu and strep re-test also negative.  Amazingly awesome doc who has experience with T1 decides to do a urine test. Positive for bacteria. Dx is UTI. As of today, still no flu.

Fred
Second one to fall.  No flu vaccine. Started getting sick on/around Dec. 21. Extreme flu-like symptoms, but no doctor visit.  Is still not feeling well as of today.

Lucas
Received flu vaccine about two weeks ago.  Fever started Christmas Eve. Very cranky with a fever coming and going. Went to doc 3 days after fever started. Flu test negative. Has his moments of feeling well, but still not terrific.

Me
Thought I had escaped the madness, but on Saturday started feeling like I had been run over.  It got to the point where I could barely move because I was shaking so bad and everything hurt.  Managed to get myself to an urgent care where I met quite possibly the world's creepiest doc. Positive for the flu type A.  Put on Tamiflu. Two days later not feeling super terrific, but at least I'm no longer convinced that I'm dying. Never got the vaccine.

Mattias
Our last man standing.  At least he was until yesterday.  Now he has fever and chills.  When he has Tylenol he goes back to his rather adorable self, but once it wears off... watch out! Received the flu mist in October.

So what does all this anecdotal evidence tell me?

• Receiving vaccine well before flu season is best
• Shot seems to trump mist, but...
• ... the mist seems to lessen the symptoms
• Getting yourself some Tamiflu (as long as you're in the proper time frame) will lessen the duration and possible severity
• Doing nothing=being sick longer

 So there you have it, my very unscientific study on our family's battle with the flu. Hope you were able to avoid it (the flu, not my post) and stay well.

The birthday that never came

December 26.

I have been dreading this day.  The day I was supposed to meet my son. I wish it could have been avoided, but the month has carried me to this day, much like a riptide carries one out to sea.   I was helpless against it.

Since July 21, there have been a lot of "supposed to's", but obviously this one is the hardest. My actual due date was January 1, but Nicolas was scheduled to arrive via c-section today.

There is so much I want to say, but losing Nicolas has stemmed the flow of words.  Writing through such sorrow is not easy for me because the emotions are so overwhelming I don't know how to express them.  Not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of him.  I would even go so far as to say not an hour passes without him being on my mind.

The day he was born was so traumatizing (I could seriously teach a class on how not to treat a woman in my situation), that I missed out on really seeing my son and saying goodbye.  The time I had with him was short and is already fading in my mind.  I wanted to write him a letter to say all the things I never got to tell him.

--------------------

Dear Nicolas,

Today was to be your day.  The day I would finally hold you in my arms and our family would be complete. I cannot describe the ache in both my arms and my heart today.

There is so much I wonder about you... hair colour, eye colour, height and weight. But so much more than that.  Who would you be? What would your life become?  There is such sadness in possibilities never realized. I long to see how your piece would have fit into our family puzzle.

Though I only carried you for 17 short weeks, you are forever with me.  I carry your named engraved upon a bracelet on my wrist, your initial graces a pendant I wear, and your soul is forever stamped on mine.

I am sorry. So sorry that I never got the chance to meet you. To look into your tiny eyes and kiss your nose.  I'm sorry for all the snuggles I missed and hours in the middle of the night when it was just you and I. The stories never read and lullabies never sung.

Finally, I want you to know how loved you are.  So very loved.  Your brother and sister still talk about you.  In their world, the span of a week is a lifetime, so it seems you are eternally on their minds as well.  In fact, to them you are a part of the family, just as they are.  Your sister was telling someone just the other day that she has three brothers. 

Merry Christmas Nicolas. The only thing missing is you

And so, my sweet boy, Happy supposed-to-be Birthday.  I miss you.  I love you.  I always will.

Love,
Your Mama

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of his hand

Odds and bits and pieces and ends

Hello.  Remember me?  I used to blog here.  

It's not that I don't have much left to say, it's that I have so much to say and no time to say it properly.

But I wanted to bring attention (to the one or two of you who still might read this) to some cool (to me) stuff:

Awhile back, Fred and I were asked to take part in a You Can Do This Project video.  They wanted parents of kids who were diagnosed under the age of two to tell their story.  We did and you can see it here at Texting My Pancreas.  Feel free to comment on my awkwardness and dorkiness.  I'm okay with it.

Secondly, Sara, from Moments of Wonderful, is hosting a year-end Best of the 'Betes Blogs.  She put a lot of time and effort into it, so go here and check it out.  Vote.  You may notice that Yours Truly has been nominated in a couple of categories.  You don't have to vote for me, but if you haven't sent me a Christmas present yet, this would do nicely.  Just sayin'

So that's about it.  My first post in over a month.  Hopefully it will lead to more.

After all... my daughter still has type 1, and I still have a lot to say about it.