The song beneath the song

In this post I wrote a few months ago, I talked about all the things we do to try and get diabetes to behave that outsiders don't see, and how exhausting it can get.

When you look at the graphs below, you think, "hey!  Not bad.  Those are some pretty good after breakfast and lunch numbers!'

And you know what?  They are. But what we've been dealing with over the past week is anything but nice.

Strep.  High fever.  Ketones.  BGs in the 400-500 range.  Antibiotics. Blah.

Over the past week, through trial and error, I've discovered that we can hold off those high BGs by bolusing her for double what she eats (so if she has 50g of carbs, I bolus for 100g).  And starting at 1:00 pm, I run a 50% temp basal (so her basal + half for non-podders) for the rest of the day.

The result is today's decent looking graphs.  But the back story on those pretty numbers contains a lot of fear.

It's scary because at dinner, when she eats her most carbs, I am dumping a tonne of insulin into her.  Just before she goes to bed.  

Just before we go to bed.

Actually, I'm chicken when it comes to dinner and don't bolus x2.  Last night I bolused for 140g when she ate 80g and she STILL hovered around 350 until we did multiple corrections.

On this last day of World Diabetes Awareness Month, I wish that people would get what a double-edged sword insulin can be.  Yes, it saves my daughters life.  She cannot live without it.  But it can also take her life if I don't tread carefully.

It's a pretty frightening dance and I'm trying my hardest to sense when diabetes is changing the beat on me.

Even 7 years later, I'm still learning the moves to this dance.