These days

It's been awhile, hasn't it? So sorry... it's not you, it's me.

Actually, if I'm being truthful, it's life. Life is screaming by and I'm powerless to stop it.  The other day I received this email from a photo storage website:

"Joanne," it said, "Check out these memories from 6 years ago!!!" (emphasis mine).

"No." Said I. "There has been a mistake. That cannot be 6 years ago... they still look exactly like that."

And to prove my point, I peered over my phone to look at my tiny people.  

And found that I was wrong.  Also, one of my kids wasn't even born yet when those pictures were taken, so as well as getting older, it seems I'm getting dumber.

I have now been  fake pancreas-ing for almost 10 years.  Some days it feels so easy, that I could do it in my sleep (or it feels like I'm sleeping because of the sheer lack of it).

Other days I want to lie down and cry from the enormity of it all.

But mostly it just feels like life, these days. Something that's shoved in there with grocery shopping, and laundry, school and sports. It's present, but not everything, like it was so long ago.

These days, I've been asking myself where the time has gone?

When did she become so independent?  This past summer, Elise started doing her own pod changes and making and bolusing for her breakfast in the mornings.  Without any prompting, at the age of 9.

There are still days when she wants Fred or I to do it for her.  But these days, I'm not needed so much anymore.

And when I compare it to the relentless and complete dependence... I honestly don't know which I prefer.

There used to be dance, and gymnastics, and pre-school, and soccer, and all the things that scared me to death.

These days, there's still soccer, but there's also hockey, and orchestra, and choir, and acting classes and sleepovers.

These days there is technology, that I am so thankful for.  Because it makes all the things of these days easier to say yes to.

This picture makes me happy

So yeah... here I sit, in the in-between.  It's a weird place to be.  I have missed blogging, and what this blog has brought me. Hopefully there's still some of you out there. I think it's you that I've missed most of all.